


Birds out of a Cage

by sassenachwaffles



Category: Outlander (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Feels, One-Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 15:11:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13766793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassenachwaffles/pseuds/sassenachwaffles
Summary: Missing moment from A Breath of Snow and Ashes





	Birds out of a Cage

**Author's Note:**

> Set in A Breath of Snow and Ashes. Mild spoilers for it, if you haven’t read it. You’ve been warned.

_“I wasn’t on an island, but I was out there…. hoping for you to find me. When I heard a birdsong, I’d pretend it was you talking to me.”_

_“Ye ken that the greylag mate for life? If ye kill a grown goose, hunting, ye must always wait, for the mate will come to mourn. Then ye must try to kill the second too, for otherwise it will grieve itself to death, calling through the skies for the lost one.”_

_Outlander, 3x08 - First Wife_

___________

He stood, still by the window, watching the hues of orange, red and purple fade on the Ridge as the moon took its cast over the sky. Summer was fading quickly into fall and while he could still feel the heat of the long summer days, the damp and cool air of the fall was beckoning on their doorstep.

She had always told him he was a warm blooded man- her personal furnace in the winter, whatever a furnace might have been he didna ken, and now in her current state, he felt like an endless winter. Cold running through his veins- for as much as he held her, tended to her, and cared for her, and prayed for her— his hands and his body were of no use. He was not simply enough.

Whatever sickness had plagued her was strong and tough— Jamie stood, placing his hands on the window sill, closing his eyes, recalling all the times she had told him:

_‘It’s alright, I have been inoculated.’ or ‘I cannot get that because I have something that is called resistance.’_

Well **damn** those little things she called germs and **damn** that thing she had once called a vaccine.

He felt utterly helpless and useless, two feelings he very seldom felt. Years back he had given her his name, his family, his clan — and the protection of his body if need be. He could feel his heart tearing into two, for he knew deep in his bones he had long kept each of these promises if not at least once but twice but now, now he so wished he could take the sickness upon him. To be the one to bear the sickness, to bear the pain and anguish, the one to bear it all for her. 

The moon was rising over the tree tops; The cool crisp air flowing into the cabin, bringing him back to his senses.

Claire let out a small grunt behind him and Jamie turned to her clutching the window sill with a sheer grip strength that might crack the frame in half with his anger and anguish.

She was flushed, sweaty, and wreathing in pain. Her eyes were squinted shut— the deep furrow of a V between her eyes— the way it was only when she had nightmares.

He felt gutted to his core- all his vulnerability laid out before him. His ultimate weakness appearing before his very eyes. An oxymoron he found in the timing, because he knew while Claire was like this he had to be his strongest, holding them both together.

Jamie took a deep breath, closing the window, slowly shuffling his way to her side. He grabbed the towel by the wash bin, soaking it and ringing out the excess water.

“Mo chridhe.” He whispered, as he wiped her sweat and tear stained face. “If ye can hear me or if ye canna, it doesna matter. Just know I am here, I willna leave yer side.”

He watched, his heart in anguish, as her already shut eyes clutched together even tighter, furthering the V between her brows. Whether it was because of pain, fever, a nightmare, or it being her only way of communicating that she had heard him, it didn’t matter.

Jamie stood, rubbing his knees, feeling his already bruised knee caps growing tender once more. Three days of kneeling by her side and saying prayers — three days too many with his world hanging in the balance.

He pulled the stool behind him to the edge of the bed taking a seat. He reached slowly under the sheet, finding her hands, pulling it towards his lips.

“Claire, remember that one time. I told ye about the greylag and how they are mated for life?” He whispered as he trailed her fingers along his the lines of his mouth. His breath cold amongst her feverish hands. She grunted and the bed shook with her shivers, sending chills down his own spine as well. “Weel, if ye do, I told ye that when one dies the mate comes and mourns. That ye have to kill the mate as well, or it will grieve itself to death.”

Jamie felt the lump in his throat. He stopped, the torment of the situation all too real, all too simple, an actual reality before him.

“If ye die on me Sassenach, I willna be too far behind ye. We will be two birds, mated, and free of our cage. We will be free together. That I promise ye.”

He whispered, clutching her hand to his chest, saying a silent prayer to those listening above.

_“Just please don’t let it be so soon, I’m no’ finished loving her yet.”_

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
